April 14, 2024
We Bid on Furnishings From Twitter HQ so You Don’t Have To


When you’re a fan of the Nineteen Nineties sitcom Seinfeld, you in all probability keep in mind the episode the place Jerry’s zany neighbor Kramer discovers the previous Merv Griffin Present set in a New York Metropolis dumpster.

He then collects the chairs and set items, which reek of rubbish, takes them to his condominium and turns his life right into a simulation of a Seventies discuss present, a lot to the chagrin of his pals.

When you’ve ever harbored fantasies of conducting such a simulation in your individual life, now’s your likelihood for a distinctly twenty first century model.

Beginning at this time, you possibly can bid on furnishings, tools and memorabilia from Twitter and—with a bit of luck and deep sufficient pockets—flip your house or workplace right into a simulacrum of a troubled San Francisco tech firm, whereas probably serving to Elon Musk enhance its troubled financials.

It’s a tempting alternative, and we at The Commonplace weren’t immune. 

We determined to position a small bid in hopes of snagging one (or 12) of the metaphoric chairs off the deck of the seemingly sinking social media Titanic. Right here’s how we did it.

One Day To Bid

Twitter introduced its intention to public sale off furnishings from its San Francisco headquarters final month. The bidding started on the morning of Jan. 17 and can conclude at 10 a.m. Jan. 18, giving individuals who want to personal a bit of Twitter’s glory years 24 hours to take part.

Formally, the public sale has nothing to do with Twitter’s troubled monetary state, in accordance with auctioneer Heritage International Companions. 

“They’ve bought for $44 billion, and we’re promoting a few chairs and desks and computer systems,” Heritage consultant Nick Dove informed Fortune final month. “So if anybody genuinely thinks that the income from promoting a pair computer systems and chairs pays for the mountain there, then they’re a moron.”

Depend us among the many morons, and the skeptics.

Whatever the motivations, the public sale is going on and the products up for grabs are … fascinating, to say the least.

Video by Jesse Rogala

An enormous, blue statue of the corporate’s iconic hen emblem? It’s at the moment going for $16,000. Bidders are providing $17,500 for a dangling, neon model of the identical hen.

A La Marzocco Strada Espresso Machine will price you a minimum of $11,000. The present bid on a Hobart Legacy Ground Mixer—for producing pizza dough on an industrial scale—is $6,750. If cured meat is extra to your style, there’s a Berkel 330M-STD Handbook Fly Wheel Slicer (with stand) going $7,000.

A set of 18 Knoll Saarinen Govt Swivel armchairs in “Rivington Sapphire” is at the moment going for $4,100. (Heritage’s web site affords no perception into whether or not the caboose of Twitter’s most well-known govt ever graced any of them.)

Downwind of the high-tag objects are a wide range of different furnishings and tools, from the broadly helpful to the extra specialised.

We Forged Our Bid

So what did The Commonplace want? Beggars can’t be choosers.

The neon blue Twitter emblem was out of our value vary—and would in all probability elevate questions on our objectivity in future protection of the social media big.  

As a substitute, we bid on a extra modest lot: 12 Andreu World Lineal Consolation Stools in lime inexperienced. Will they give the impression of being good in our workplace? Opinions differ.

We Bid on Furnishings From Twitter HQ so You Don’t Have To
The Commonplace bid $80 for a set of 12 lime inexperienced stools from Twitter’s headquarters on the Heritage International Companions public sale web site. | Screenshot

Regardless, it wasn’t troublesome. The Commonplace created an account on the Heritage International Companions web site and positioned its bid. We didn’t even should put in a bank card. 

The chairs had been going for $60. We bid $80. As of publication time, we’re the very best bidder amongst seven. Ought to we win, we’ll additionally should pay an 18% purchaser’s premium and gross sales tax (8.63%).

Solely after casting the bid did we notice we had didn’t take one small function of the public sale into consideration: If nobody outbids us, we should organize the transportation of the 12 stools to our workplace. That would add fairly a bit to the lot’s price ticket.

When you’ve by no means seen 12 journalists marching down Market Road carrying workplace furnishings, it’s certain to be a sight to behold—albeit not essentially a pleasing one. (Observe to self: Subsequent time, bid on desk chairs that we will merely roll down the road.)

So if you happen to dream of pretending to personal a bar from the consolation of your house and want some lime inexperienced stools, you can also forged a bid and save us from our destiny. Please? Fairly please?